…and I don’t know if we’re dead or what the fuck (End of Beck interlude)

OK, going to have to make a small confession here before I commence this post. I have a dirty little secret. You see, I’m what they call a WOW-aholic. Yes, I play World of Warcraft, the much-maligned and misunderstood MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role-playing game) that induces visions of overweight bearded nerds still living with their parents and spawned the funniest South Park episode this side of the Scientology one. Essentially I spend my spare time pretending to be a Night Elf Hunter (not, unfortunately, a Night Elf Mohawk), slaying sundry mighty demons with the help of my Guild, the renowned and feared Leviathan (ftw!). We even spend Fridays getting drunk with each other while we play. Online alcoholism people, it’s the way of the future.

Why is this important? And what relevance does it bear to traveling to Thailand? Bear with me…

Sarah and I have just finished a weekend painting marathon as we prepare the flat to brave the nightmare known as the Edinburgh Property Market. Well, marathon may be stretching it a tad; I painted the walls of two rooms while Sarah did the majority of the gloss in the flat (and Kal performed some sterling Polyfilla work on our war-torn walls) but believe me, it took fecking ages. Now science may be able to put people on the moon, it may be able to cure all manner of disease but for some reason we still can’t get gloss paint which doesn’t induce nausea, headaches, irritated eyes, dizziness and all manner of other malfunctions when used in a confined poorly ventilated space. Yes, I know you’re supposed to open a window at least but this is Edinburgh in April, it was snowing yesterday and I don’t have any jumpers which are scabby enough to be used for my particularly slapdash brand of interior decorating. Those windows are staying firmly closed.

So, 7pm on Sunday rolls around and it’s time for me and my jolly band to go a-raiding through the wilds of Azeroth and beyond. My PC resides in a box room, which has a window so it’s technically a bedroom and Sarah insists it’s even a double bedroom. Uh-huh. And a Fiat Panda is an SUV. Anyway, with the window closed it meets the textbook definition of Small, Poorly-Ventilated, Enclosed Space to a T. With the window open I’m treated to a force 10 gale rolling in thanks to the wind tunnel outside, not to mention a flurry of shit, straw and feathers courtesy of the pigeons attempting to nest on the sill.

Undeterred I logged on to Warcraft and got tooled up for an evening’s carnage. Things did indeed start well; despite initial delays we managed to clear Gruul’s Lair in a professionally violent manner which would have had the most psychotic of the US Marines crapping themselves. What’s that? Mild headache? Aah, it’s nothing, probably just residual hangover.

On to Magtheridon, a new challenge for the guild, and things start getting a little odd. I feel a tad dizzy. Wait, is that Corpzes (raid leader) shouting at folk? Someone’s killing the wrong bad guy? Oh, wait a sec, that’d be me. Scurry around to find the actual target for a while. Oops. Hold on, is that a 25-foot tall demon towering over me, freshly broken free of its bonds and swinging a sword the size of Cleopatra’s Needle? Dang, I’m dead. Oh look, we’re all dead. Balls. My head hurts. My eyes are streaming.

Never mind, try again. OK, I’m killing the right guys this time, things are going fine. Wait, were those floating blue dots there first time round? Can I kill ’em? Nope, doesn’t look like it. Oh look, Magtheridon is dead! Just as well, seeing as my eyes are stinging so badly I’ve actually resorted to propping them open with matchsticks (non-sharpened for all you concerned Argento fans). Right, Best log out of the game before I start talking even more crap than I already am and get kicked from the Guild for oddness unbecoming of an Officer.

Never mind malaria, dengue, the black death or any of the other joys that await us in Thailand; this move is already bad for our health and we’re still in Portobello! At least the fumes have started to subside and hopefully by tomorrow I’ll be able to get my first proper night’s sleep since Friday. And maybe by the end of the week we’ll have the floors sanded and our furniture back in place. Then the last of the joinery done and the doors replaced. And the bay windows painted. And the new ‘dressing’ furniture in place. And the washing machine installed. And I’m sure Aarayan will write a post concerning all of the above at some point in the near future – she’s just a tad busy on account of starting teaching at her new (hopefully less Beirut-esque) school today.

PS: I promise that at some point we’ll post more about Thailand itself. Unfortunately we’ve still got three months of this shit left before we even get there 😛

Advertisements