Finally! After *years* of waiting, I’ve been tagged to do a meme.

Even though my best friend in the whole-wide-world is an internationally famous blogger and CharmingYoungMan, I’ve had to wait a very long time for this life-altering opportunity, and i’m bloody well going to make the most of it.

Prepare yourselves, guys: I’m going to….

ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS!!!!111one!eleventy

I am:  Fundamentally a bit of a geek: awkward in social situations, obsessive about fringe pastimes, and not entirely comfortable in my own skin. However, I am also trying to learn to accept myself.

I think: Waaaaaaaaay too much. About everything. I think about what I’m thinking, and then think about whether what I’m thinking has value. Freak.

I know:  Quite a few random, useless facts: for example, that an ostrich has eyes larger than its brain. I also know enough Thai to get by for about 3 minutes in a relaxed or commercial situation.

I have: Some good tattoos on my back and my leg, and would love more but am trying to pace myself otherwise I’ll run out of skin or have to buy a motorbike.

I wish: I looked like Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby, and Dita von Teese all at the same time.

I hate: Rude people: I really, genuinely can’t understand why people can’t be nice to one another. I also hate the way I’m so mean to myself when I try so hard to be nice to everybody else. I wouldn’t let anybody else put me down the way I put myself down, but it’s a hard habit to break.

I miss: something that I can’t put my finger on. Quite often I have this overwhelming feeling of homesickness, but not for a home I can actually go to- no specific house, no specific place – just… home.

I fear: failure, and failure by my own standards – nobody else’s. More than I can  possibly tell you.

I hear: Right now? The sounds of “Dude, where’s my car?”

I smell: Rose wine, Thai oil and jelly beans.

I crave: In this precise moment, I crave pancakes with maple syrup and bacon.

I search: For satisfaction; a sense of having ‘arrived’ or achieved my goal.

I wonder: How Paul knows so much stuff about random shit. I was away to ask him what things I normally wonder aloud about and mispronounced “meme”. He went on to tell me about memetics. How the fuck does he know about memetics? Why the fuck don’t I know about memetics?!

I regret: Not knowing about memetics before having that conversation. I also regret the fact that I find ‘classic’ novels and books about real stuff that’s happened boring in general. I like airport fiction. Sorry.

I love: Chicken. In  deep, meaningful way. Chicken, and how good it tastes roasted, is proof of God perhaps. I also really, really love Muay Thai. Don’t ask me why though. Fucked if I know.

I ache: Up my right arm where I punched my last opponent in the head and ripped some muscles.

I am not: A quitter. Whatever else I am, I can count on myself to see something through.

I believe: That people are basically good, and that “what’s for you wont go by you” as my mother and her mother say.

I dance: Pretty badly, and generally only when drunk.

I sing: Quite well, actually – I was a soprano at St Mary’s Music School, and did some solo singer-songwritery stuff before moving to the Dark Side (Muay Thai)

I cry: Pretty often and very easily- I’m a giant wuss, and I’m usually crying over Casualty, or some shit movie. And generally it’s because “I’m sad because *she’s* sad!” *sobsobsob*

I fight: As often as I can, which is about once every 2 or 3 months in general, and not nearly as often as I’d like!

I win: Currently more often than I lose – (fingerscrossedtouchwoodpleasegod)

I lose: Badly. I fucking hate it. I’m so competitive.

I never: Forgive myself.

I always: Greet solitary magpies in case of bad luck – (you know “one for sorrow…” ) by saying “Good Evening/Afternoon/Morning Mr Magpie”- that’s Ally’s fault, though. Before he told me about that I just though you had to suck up the bad luck and have done with it. I also always rescue snails from the pavement when they’re trying to get from one side to the other – it makes journeys take a lot longer, but I figure it’s good new Karmically. And when I say “always”, I mean ALWAYS. I ALWAYS do this.

I confuse: The words “refute” and “dispute” and “rescind”. Fuck it. I don’t really care.

I listen: to almost everything – I just hate that nasty, modern discotheque music all the kids listen to in their stupid, “pimped-up” automobiles – you know… ‘banging homes’ music, or ‘thumping house’ or whatever they call it. Generally I like rock, acoustic folky stuff and a nice dose of electro.

I can usually be found: At training or in the gym. Ask Paul – he will vouch for this: I do, all told, about 15-20 hrs of exercise per week.

I am scared: of all winged insects apart from butterflies. I also have an honest to god phobia of a certain type of insect, one which shall not be named… the offspring of flies… starts with an ‘M’. Don’t say it. I make Paul call them “puppies”.

I need: A wee at the moment. I also need a lot of reassurance and comforting from my friends – I get extremely insecure and paranoid a lot of the time.

I imagine: the worst far too often. I also imagine that there really are other worlds like Narnia and that animals can secretly talk. Prove that they don’t… go on…. can’t? Shame.

I tag: Diet Girl

Elastic Waist

OK, Paul’s turn 🙂

I am: terrified of the near future, unsure of the mid future and looking forward to the distant future.

I think: Constantly, and I mean 24/7. Seriously, it fucks with my sleep and my enjoyment of life in general. It’s part of the reason I used to drink so much but I’ve learned to live with it and just try to change my thoughts from doom, gloom and panic to more wholesome fare.

I know: A lot about random crap, as Sarah mentioned. I can’t help it, I just read a fuck of a lot on a metric assload of subjects. Some of it sticks and some of it disappears. I wouldn’t have it any other way, polymaths ftmfw.

I have: More time on my hands than I’d like right now. Thankfully I’ve discovered that, contrary to a life-long belief, I’m not allergic to gyms and that they can actually improve your life.

I wish: A law could be enacted that would outlaw salaries above, say, £50k per year. That should effectively outlaw the excessive greed that has led to more or less every atrocity in human history. Naive? Maybe. But a good start nonetheless.

I hate: Not knowing what’s going to happen next and more than that not being able to do anything about it. Oh, and excessive greed/wealth.

I miss: The point. A lot.

I fear: Uncertainty and helplessness. See the answer a couple of slots above this, fear and hatred are inextricably intertwined IMHO.

I hear: them all, I hear them all, I hear them all

I smell: Very little unfortunately. I think I killed a lot of my sense of smell through years of smoking although I really do love the smell of garlic and of frying onions.

I crave: An end to the turmoil currently in my life. Urgh, it’s all so icky.

I search: Exceptionally efficiently on the web and like a spastic, cataract-inflicted hedgehog in real life. Seriously, I can barely even find Scotland half the time and I fucking live here.

I wonder: When this thing will ever end :p

I regret: Having taken philosophy at Uni instead of a science subject. I was good at that shit but unfortunately the boredom of my hometown led me to LSD which handily ‘expanded’ my mind and made me want to study random argumentative balls for four years instead.

I love: Sarah

I ache: After weights at the gym but not as much as after going 10-pin bowling for the first time in ages. Bum pain to the max.

I am not: 32. Honest, I’m not.

I believe:  That more harm has been done to this world by ‘beliefs’ than by anything else. But then again I’m a pedantic motherfucker who, if asked, “Do you believe in evolution?” replies with, “Of course not, I understand it”

I dance: Rarely. I used to do it all the time but somewhere along the line I developed some kind of horrible self-consciousness which seemed to spoil a lot of my fun. I still go ape-shit at gigs, although that’s closer to fighting than dancing really.

I sing: All the time, and I think I do it quite well. Unless Sarah’s around, in which case I’m told in no uncertain terms that I sound like a drowning rat. (edit-That is *not* true! Sarah)

I cry: When angels deserve to die? Nah, crying’s not really my thing, too much of a MAN. When it does happen it happens properly though.

I fight: Incredibly badly, although my experienced is limited to about 2 instances in my life. Once I lost a tooth, the second time I remember swinging at a guy and missing him by a clear foot. God help me if I ever make it to a Muay Thai class…

I win: Whenever I play noughts and crosses against myself. Seriously, I suck at that game. Except for the fact that I’m so good at it.

I lose: Track of the date so easily these days. I almost wish I had a steady 9-5 job again…

I never: For a second thought that my life would be like this. Seriously, I only remember having 2 scenarios when younger: an astronaut (aged 8); or dead after 21 (aged 18). Since the second one didn’t bear out I done  just bin rolling with the punches.

I always: Check that I have my keys in my pocket before I leave the flat.

I confuse: Spare change in my pocket for my keys. Hence the outrageous amount of cash that Sarah and I have pumped into the local locksmithing industry over the past few years.

I listen: To Sarah’s confused ramblings with a mixture of amusement, love, shock and joy. Seriously, you should have been there for the one about how the universe is essentially a giant tomato. There was a drawing and everything. FACT.

I can usually be found: Either in the flat, the pub or the gym. In fact those are almost the only places you’ll find me, and the pub is mostly there cause I work in one, not cause I’m a rotten ol’ boozehound.

I am scared: Of Derren Brown. Sarah will back me up on this one

I need: A proper job. I love my current one but when it takes you longer to earn a pint than it does to drink one then there’s something wrong.

I imagine: That this list sounds a lot more arsey and full of myself than it did while I was typing it.